that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Congratulations! We have a period
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
