so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
