I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
