I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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