DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
