i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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