youre lurking in front of me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
