Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
