If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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