I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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