Little spoons don't ask big questions
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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