he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize