I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize