He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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