i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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