it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
