Kiss
Puke
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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