In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Found the puke drawer
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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