Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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