he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
