College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
