Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize