Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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