Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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