Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
