Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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