Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
