guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
