she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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