You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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