Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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