My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
