so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
