Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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