The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
