Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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