I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
