people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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