She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
