I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
