this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
