He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
