Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
