help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
