Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
