So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
