He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize