Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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