I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
