I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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