i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
