i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
