If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
