dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
