he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
