You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
