I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
