OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize