i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
