hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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