Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
