I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The air taste purple.
Randomize
