Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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