Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
